"Two years later..." 2 Samuel 13:23
I can't imagine the pain, shame, rejection, and fear Tamar endured as a result of Amnon's act of rape. Her innocence was stolen so quickly and senselessly. We are told that she lived as a desolate woman in her brother's home. The Hebrew transliteration of the word desolate is shamem. It means to be desolate, to be appalled, stun, stupefy. The word stupefy caught my eye. Further research into its meaning helps us catch a glimpse into Tamar's state of mind. It means to put into a state of little or no sensibilty; benumb the faculties of.
For two years Absalom watched his sister live a life of little or no sensibilty. For two years he watched her relive the tragic moment that changed her life forever. For two years his anger seethed. Unchecked and harbored anger is a dangerous thing. Living with unchecked and harbored anger Absalom's heart became fertile soil for a plot of revenge to take root, grow, and blossom. When Abaslom could take it no longer he set a plan into motion and had his half-brother killed. Little did he know this single act of revenge would change the course of his family history forever.
Unforgiveness. It can render you into a state of little or no sensiblity and numb your faculities. The best way to avoid entering into this state of mind is to deal with unforgiveness head-on, right at the time of the offense. I have found addressing the offense without delay helps to remove the immediate sting. Is it over and done with so easily? No. Many times forgiveness has to be dealt with on a daily basis until the soil of your heart allows it to take root, grow, and blossom freedom from the hold the offense and the offender has on your life.
I have walked this difficult road of unforgiveness before. I offered my forgiveness with words even though I did not feel them in my heart. I knew, because of God's track record with forgiveness that my feelings would eventually catch up to my words. It wasn't an easy or a short road to travel but I made it.
Are you harboring unchecked anger? Has it been two years?
Unforgiveness. It can render you into a state of little or no sensiblity and numb your faculities. The best way to avoid entering into this state of mind is to deal with unforgiveness head-on, right at the time of the offense. I have found addressing the offense without delay helps to remove the immediate sting. Is it over and done with so easily? No. Many times forgiveness has to be dealt with on a daily basis until the soil of your heart allows it to take root, grow, and blossom freedom from the hold the offense and the offender has on your life.
I have walked this difficult road of unforgiveness before. I offered my forgiveness with words even though I did not feel them in my heart. I knew, because of God's track record with forgiveness that my feelings would eventually catch up to my words. It wasn't an easy or a short road to travel but I made it.
Are you harboring unchecked anger? Has it been two years?
14 Comments:
I so agree Wendy! I know from experience that when I let offenses built up it causes a wall between me and the other person. I have to CHOOSE to forgive over and over even when I don't feel the emotion of forgiveness until my emotions catch up with my decision. This is very hard for me but this is an area I am really trying to grow in. It has caused tension and strife and strained relationships in my life. I walked through a lesson about a month and a half ago dealing with this very thing and I praise God how He always works good from our sins and has renewed a relationship that was strained for a long time.
On the note of working good from sins, in this weekend's reading about David and Bathsheba I love how even after they sinned God redeemed by blessing them with Solomon. I think this is a wonderful example of how God uses our sins and our mistakes for good when we have our hearts set on Him. Even though David made some really bad choices his heart was still devoted to God.
Back to Tamar, I underlined 2 Sam 13:20, "keep quiet for now, ...Don't you worry about it." I would imagine that keeping quiet is part of what caused Tamar's desolate state. When you suffer that kind of pain and hold that inside it will kill you! The secret and the shame slowly eats away at your soul. Every thing you are and choices you make becomes wrapped up in your pain, hurt and shame. I know that was true in my own life. It was not until I sought Christ and returned to Him and went to counseling that I was set free from all that. The light of God's Word shone into the dark places of my heart set me free from that pain and shame. My heart aches for Tamar and the anguish of soul she had to be in.
The other verse I highlighted was 2 Sam 14:14, "Our lives are spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again. But God does not just sweep life away; instead, he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him." Praise the Lord that He does not leave us in our desolate states! That He seeks us out and heals us! I lift up my praise this morning and give God all the glory!
Hope you all have a wonderful Monday! I am starting the Beth Moore Esther study this morning and am really excited about it. I have heard over and over how awesome it is :)
Prayers and Blessings~
Brandee
Wendy, I too have offered words of forgiveness, but continued to hold the offense in my heart. One such example comes immediately to mind. I have to confess to enjoying, in some strange way, the memory that gave me a little power over the one who had hurt me. I had been wronged, yet I said I forgave. I remember how I finally came to a point of pleading with the Lord to remove the incident from my mind. Replaying the pain over and over again in my head was continuing to separate our friendship, even though the incident had been years prior. The Lord did bring complete healing. One day I discovered, I could not (and still don't) recall what had happened to cause the pain. The Lord had completely removed any recollection of the incident. Thank You Lord.
Today, my heart just thrilled over 2 Samuel 14:14, "...he devises ways to bring us back when we have been separated from him." Oh Father, thank You. It doesn't matter what caused us to be alienated from Him, He refuses to allow us to remain banished. He devises ways to bring us back to Him...
that family concern
that health challenge
that job loss
that broken relationship
that new friendship
that unanswered prayer
that unexpected circumstance
that financial crisis
that unfulfilled dream
that unplanned move...
I've been reminded of 2 songs this morning as I've read His Word. One is by Philips, Craig and Dean, "He'll do whatever it takes". The chorus says, "He'll do whatever, whatever it takes, His grace reaches lower than your worst mistakes, And His love will run farther than you can run away, my friend, He'll do whatever, whatever it takes, He'll do whatever it takes. He'll just keep reaching, Until He finds a way to bring you back where you belong, Come on back home."
I'll close with the other sung by Selah, "God Bless the Broken Road".
"Every long lost dream, led me to where You are, Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, Pointing me on my way, into Your loving arms, This much I know, know is true, That God blessed the broken road, That led me straight to You."
"It's all part of a grander plan, that is coming true."
Thank You Lord, that Your ways are higher than mine and that You love me too much to leave me alone when I fall away from You. So thankful that You are on a continue search and rescue mission for my heart.
Blessings today girls,
Joy
Good Morning Wendy and Ladies. Wendy, you brought out a truth that I missed when reading the scriptures this morning. Unforgiveness is a terrible state to be in. It reminded me of a story from Corrie Ten Boome; I haven't thought of this for some time. As a survivor of Hitler's prision camps, Corrie Ten Boome lived to tell the story of how years after loosing her family to the brutality in the camps she came face-to-face with a guard that was responsible for the death of her sister. Corrie had just finished speaking to a group of people about how she and others survived by the love of Jesus Christ. Afterwards, there he was (the guard) with his hand extended to shake her hand. She said she knew she couldn't do it but God, who lives inside her could! As she extended her hand she let the spirit take over as she forgave him...not in her strenghth but in HIS.
Brandee, I agree; sometime we must CHOOSE to forgive and sometimes it is a continuous action that must happen again and again to take root. When you can't do it, through the resurection power of Jesus who lives within us, you can.
Brandee, I also loved 2 Sam 14:14...it is a relief to know he will never leave us in that state. Amen!
Have a beautiful Monday, Ladies.
Nancy
Joy, I have never heard the Phillips, Craig and Dean song so I looked it up. Oh my goodness! I sat here with tears streaming down my face. What a wonderful song! The other song was one that I used on a CD I made last April when I gave my testimony for our MOPS Tea and Testimony meeting. That song by Selah means so much to me. Thank you for posting those.
Good Morning Dear Friends...
Wendy, what you wrote on forgiveness reminds me of a VERY powerful sermon I heard last week. We had a visiting pastor from Texas who gave his testimony - on Forgiveness. He taught out of Matthew. The verses became alive to me like they have never before. It's a sermon that would benefit everyone. It's all about Forgiveness - one of the single most important skills in each relationship we encounter.
If you're interested in watching:
www.cccev.com
click on Central TV at the top of the page, right side
watch Online
"I Have a Choice" --title of sermon
Walking into our worship center yesterday, my emotions were full of delight, as the band members took their places and began to give
God the Glory. Throughout our Bible Study, I've become much more thankful for the Glory that surrounds me daily. Things I once took for granted, I now give thanks for. I stood in awe just thinking about what a privilege it was to be able to worship so freely! I let my mind drift back to David dancing before the LORD with all his might...
I began to focus on the words to the current song at the time:
Oh Christ be the center of our life,
Be the place we fix our eyes.
Be the center of our lives.
At that moment I thought, "just how simple, yet how difficult it really is, - if we could just fix our eyes on Christ, and make him our center. Less of us, and more of Him. Then I was reminded again of David's eyes and how easily he got caught up in sin.
As we read today, the hard consequences of David's sin are made known to us. The innocent daughter getting raped, while the self-pleasing son does what he feels like doing. Revenge. Scheming. Deceitfulness. To top it off - murder! Separating from God for even a moment can lead to sorrow and suffering not only to the person who sins, but many times to family members as well.
Hearing God speak to us through His Word and allowing ourselves to keep our minds captivated on Him...not us, but Him - it's the only way!
So many life lessons in our precious Word!
Spending some time now to pray for you sisters... So thankful, (like Jan said) his giving never stops.
We can open our arms and He will fill us with His grace.
Love & Hugs,
Lori - AZ
Wendy, I loved your comments this morning...and the comments from everyone else.
One thing that struck me was David's reaction when he heard of the rape of Tamar. It only said he was angry (in a footnote, my Bible said "But he did not punish his son, Amnon, because he loved him, for he was his firstborn."
What a mistake! Not disciplining your children is never a sign of love. Hebrews tells us that God disciplines us because He loves us, and even though the discipline is not pleasant at the time, it will produce righteousness in the long run. (paraphrased from Hebrews 11). What a difference it would have made in all their lives (Absalom, Amnon, Tamar...and David) if David had stepped up to the plate and done the fatherly thing! Maybe Amnon would not have been killed.
I can personally testify to the consequences of sweeping things under the rug; thinking that everyone has moved on, not wanting to acknowledge that someone (even me) might be holding on to anger and resentment, letting it seethe and build. We ended up dealing with it eventually, but had to deal the the built-up emotions as well!
But like everyone else today, I loved 2 Sam. 14:14! I love my Shepherd more today than ever and to know that He would leave the 99 and come looking for me to bring me back into the fold makes me want to serve Him every chance I get!
Have a blessed day everyone!
Mary Ruth
Rocky Mount, NC
Today's reading was rich. On the flip side of Mary Ruth's coin I thought of this: David's forgiveness of his child is a foreshadowing of God forgiving us. We all deserve to die for our sin; yet because of His incredible love for us He made a way to spare our lives too. Just a thought....
Morgen - MN
Joy, thank you for telling how you asked the Lord to remove from your mind the wrong done to you. I have asked Him repeatedly to help me forgive, but the memory was still there. I hope this is the answer, I have already started asking Him to remove from my mind the hurts this person has caused, and like you I kept replaying them in my mind...even though I didn't want to. Now I am waiting for my emotions to catch up with my decision to forgive (Brandee).
I am learning so much from Wendy and all of you girls who are posting....your insights are so good, and really hit the problems right on the head.
You know, won't it be wonderful, when we all get to heaven, we will have all these new sisters we get to meet and put with the names we see here every day.
Wendy what is the last count of how many are reading with us...last I remember hearing was about 1000.
Jan TN
I am very sad after today’s reading, and want to say (1) do NOT buy into the lies that Satan sell’s; and (2) we must be very careful, lest we become confident in our own abilities and fail to seek God’s will (as David did).
I spent many years having nightmares that involved demons. I would wake up screaming in terror because ‘they’ were in my room standing beside my bed, sitting on the edge of the bed, standing in the doorway – always there – dark shapes in human form with coat and hat so that I rarely saw a face. At times it was all my Dear Sweet Husband could do to get me into his arms and wake me up so that I would calm down. Once, I was terrified to go back to sleep because each time I closed my eyes, I would see myself disappearing – beginning with my feet and legs, my body was being erased. After a couple of hours, I asked David, ‘If I close my eyes and go to sleep, will I be here when I wake up?’ Of course, I already knew deep in my heart the answer that his sweet words confirmed to me – ‘Yes, you’ll be right here beside me.’ And we prayed, and I finally slept! I had nightmares for nearly 30 years (long before I married David – my Dear Sweet Husband) because someone once told me, ‘Don’t tell anyone……….’ As time passed, the nightmares and demons became more and more intense as I began to contemplate telling my story. I had begun to deal with my past, after the shame and anger that had been bottled up inside for nearly 30 years began to tear away at the fabric of my marriage – the one thing on this earth (other than my children) that I knew I absolutely could not live without. One night, after a fit of rage and an ugly fight, I found myself confronting the fact that my marriage was crumbling through NO fault of my husband, and it was time to tell my story. Until then, absolutely NO ONE (parents, best girl friends, pastor – NO ONE) knew because someone once told me, ‘Don’t tell anyone………’ And so I never told because if they knew…. they couldn’t possibly love me, right?
Those are the lies that Satan would have us believe, and I’m convinced that is the way Tamar lived after she was raped by Amnon. At the moment of her rape, Satan planted shame and anger, bitterness and possibly rage – very deep within her soul. The scripture says that Absalom told Tamar ‘keep quiet for now, don’t you worry about it.’ And that is how Satan began his work. He plants the seeds of shame to ensure that you tell no one, and then the battlefield is wide open and ripe for his continued deceit. Absalom had good intentions, but he had no idea that he was now a player in Satan’s deceptive game.
I have never understood why David spent so much time grieving the death of Amnon. I cannot get my head around the fact that he was so angry with Absalom for avenging Tamar it seems like he should have dealt with Amnon in some fashion and consoled his daughter. (I have just now returned to today’s text, and read the footnote ‘Dead Sea Scrolls and Greek version add, But he did not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, for he was his firstborn.’ Still, it seems to me that Tamar must have felt somewhat insignificant knowing that her father wouldn’t - couldn’t - didn’t do anything to avenge this horrible tragedy. And now David was a player in the game as well – like it or not. My heart breaks for Tamar and for the emotions that she must have dealt with as ‘she lived like a desolate woman in her brothers house,’ because someone once told her ‘Don’t tell anyone….’
Oh God, please protect us from the Evil One and keep us from believing his lies. Help us to always look to you for guidance and counsel, and may we never become so confident in our own abilities that we forget, or choose not to seek You.
Oh my sisters, how many of us are out there that have been touch like Tamar? How is it possible that we are reading the Old Testament and still this vile sin exists?
Wendy, when you pointed out how we should face forgiveness head on. I totally agree and it isn't easy when staring in the eyes of a predator. Aren't we thankful that we can take our eyes off the predator and fix them on our Savior?
Brandee, you talked about Tamar's shame and humiliation that she felt that the two years. As she suffered in silence without God, I hear your pain. I am sorry you suffered. My guess is, she was made to feel, it was her wrong doing.
Lori, you summed it up, by mentioning the awful sins that came as a result because of David’s action of selfishness. How many times has something I've done affected other people the same way? Before I cry victim, I need to look inside.
Paula, my sister I am so heavy hearted for the fact that someone told you not to tell. How dare they? What gave them the right? Someone told me at the age of 10 that I was “naked”. I saw the flesh as Tamar but God will deal with them. It is not my place!
Unforgiveness = Resentment= Bitterness
Christ is the only one who can give us rest with issues of unforgiveness.
Father, I come before you tonight humble and undeserving of your mercy. I lay the acts of those who have offended me at your feet tonight. Help me to release them to your care and justice. You are the judge and jury not me. Help me to remember that the slate is clean with them and that I must keep account ever day. As part of the forgiveness these wrongs are not mentioned except when it can be used in such a way to minister to others.
Amen
Sorry to be so long, just moved by this passage tonight,
Diane
Hey Lori,
I just listened to the sermon you mentioned on Forgiveness. All I can say is, "WOW".
Funny, I came home from work today upset with my boss. What timing, huh?
Nancy
Wendy,
Thank you for this powerful teaching on forgiveness. Bottom line is forgiveness is a command and requires an act of pure obedience.
As a rape survivor, my heart breaks for Tamar because I have walked in her steps except she had noone to hold her after waking up from a terrifying nightmare, noone to stroke her hair as she cried herself to sleep, noone to love her through her pain and brokenness...how desolate indeed her life must have been.
Whether it is rape, adultery, lies and deception,or betrayal, our Lord commands forgiveness. Why? Because He knows that a heart filled with hatred, bitterness, and unforgiveness sucks the life out of us. Our heart shrivels up and eventually dies. It loses all hope. Forgiveness frees us to live and love again. We leave the right to avenge in the Hands of the only one who rightfully can...our Father in heaven.
Love you, friend,
Wendy
Hi ladies,
Having a crazy day - spent all day teaching in a portable and it was 33 celcius here today - I'm cooked! I just sent an email to Tyndale to try and find out why my NIV is so out of sync with your NLT. I will let you know when I hear back,
Jodie
Growing and learning to forgive and letting go. I lost my virginity to rape, and my second encounter with sex was arranged by a family member that I loved and trusted. It was expected. The wanting to belong and be loved was twisted and confused with expectations anger and betrayal. It ruled and almost destroyed my life. For the longest time I conviced myself it was normal even though I knew it wasn't. I did not know until much later that I held so much anger about the events of my life. God has healed me so much in the last 5 years, I only regret it took that long. I was actually raped twice and blamed myself for both, and even though I have to take part of the responsibility I don't need to take it all. I hid from it for the longest time and pretended that everything was okay.... But God has a way of exposing those areas of our life that we don't deal with. The person I blamed for not protecting me didn't even know I had been raped until 15 years after it happened.
I can only imagine the shame and horror Tamar felt in those days. And I am so thankful that I have God to help me through it all now.
I still have to work through the forgivness and anger I harbored for so long - but I recognize it real quick now and deal with it immediately. God's got me covered and that is all that matters.
Thanks for reading,
Lynn
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