Let's face it girls marriage it hard. I remember hearing the first year of marriage was the toughest and if you made it through the first year then the rest would be a walk in the park. The first year was the walk in the park for my husband and me. Fast forward 16 years, two children, two jobs, and well, the natural ups and downs of life, I don't always find myself in the park. I struggle with the rest of women of the world in giving priority to marriage and to making my man know that I still think he hung the moon in that park we walked in the first year of our marriage.
“Her husband can trust her and she will richly satisfies his needs.” Proverbs 31:11
“Her husband can trust her and she will richly satisfies his needs.” Proverbs 31:11
I remember when I read this verse for the first time. I wanted to shout out, "Where is the verse that talks about the husband richly satisfying the needs of his wife." And if I am honest, there are times when I still want to shout this out loud. Can anyone testify with me?
But the truth of the matter is there is no such verse in the Bible and if there was, it would not be up to us to see that our husbands obey it. I learned some time ago that my role in the marriage is not to be my husband's Holy Spirit. I am to respect him and according this verse, richly satisfy his needs, even when I don't feel like. When I don't follow God's outline for my life by giving the attention and priority my marriage deserves my life becomes out of balance.
I will say, right now, life is out of balance for me. I ran across an article I wrote for the P31 Woman magazine several years ago. I have to say, I was convicted by my own words. I want to get back to the place I was when I wrote this article. I thought for my own benefit I would include in today's post a portion of the article that I intend to work on. Maybe you will join me.
Excerpt form "The Stepford Wives Revisited"
Spend time in prayer
First and foremost you must pray for your husband. Also pray for yourself as his wife. It is so easy to ask God to change your husband but try asking God to change you. Ask for His help to open your eyes to see the ways you can satisfy your husband’s needs. You will be amazed at the results.
Invest yourself in things your husband values
Find something your husband values and participate in it. Maybe he values a clean car; then keep your car clean. If he values silence when he gets home from work, wait a while before you tell him about your day. Maybe he likes sports. Take time to watch a game with him.
Meet His needs before he realizes he has one
Look under his sink or in his shaving kit to see if he needs after shave lotion or shaving cream. His dress socks may be worn out. Buy him new ones. When his favorite snack food is gone, buy him some more.
Become a student of your husband
Learn all his favorites. Discover all his likes and dislikes. Notice what he reads. Know where he likes to eat. Learn to understand his body language. Much is said without ever uttering a word.
Think outside the box when it comes to intimacy
Initiate an intimate evening by planning a date night. Take care of all the arrangements. Then surprise him with the details. Buy something new to wear that you know will attract him.
Speak with words of kindness and affirmation
Every man wants to hear “thank you” and “I appreciate what you do for our family.” Remind him that he is a great man and you value him. Tell him you are praying for him. This will give him great security.
How do you keep your marriage exciting and honor your husband? Share with the rest of us. We need all the help and encouragement to get back to the stroll in the park.
For His Renown
P.S. If you visited my blog through our Encouragement for Today devotion, thanks for stopping by.
19 Comments:
Wonderful post! One of the things I try to do several times a week is to simply ask if there is anything my husband needs me to do for him or to pray for him. Most of the time a get a simple grin, that says, "Hey, thanks for thinking of me.", and an answer of "No, just the usual." But there are times when he does have specific task or prayer request in mind and he always says how much he appreciates it.
I go fishing with him, he loves it, I don't!
Every once in a while I'll ask him if he would like to go shopping with me. He consents even though he doesn't like shopping and I surprise him by going to all the sporting good, boat, and tractor supply places, to his favorite sandwich shop, and end the date with taking our sandwiches to the place where we shared our first kiss. We eat, feed the ducks, and walk around the lake and he always says what a great day it was.
I tell him everyday that I love him. We begin and end each day with a holy kiss.
Have we always gotten along this well? No! It has taken a lot of work and after almost 28 years we are beginning to settle in with one another. We have learned to let the petty things go and work at growing together rather than apart.
Thanks for the ideas and the wisdom, Miss Sandy. Oh, that we would all make 28+ years.
May God continue to bless your marriage!
If only Mama had told us it would be this hard!! You really have to work at it every day! Wendy, I feel that God brought these messages on marriage to me today. You see, I've been married 13 years and have been having a hard time making things work lately. It has been really bad. Last night as I was going to sleep I prayed that he would send words of wisdom my way and sure enough first thing this morning I get my daily devotion. I read it everday, but felt like todays message was for me. Thank you so much for your words of wisdom.
Wendy,
Thanks for revisiting the article. That is great wisdom. Thanks for the reminders.
Charlene
Sometimes I think we expect too much from our men. We've been married nearly thirty years and have had six children....his needs are simple, really. He likes time with me, good food, and a peaceful home. Me, on the other hand, like more relationships and activities outside the home, so I don't try to change him to do that with me, I have some friends and things I do separately with his blessing. I've never thought he should or could fulfill all my needs. I so identify with "settling" in with each other. Takes time and commitment. But the fruit that comes when you don't give up is so sweet!
Hey Wendy! My eyes literally popped out of my head when I read the line on your devotion about what can you do to ease your husband's "backache". My husband has a spinal cord injury, and has over a foot of metal rods in his back from an accident. Yesterday at lunch he came home to total chaos (crying kids/lunch not ready/total mess) & we had a talk about how he needs to relax to help his back feel better for the rest of the workday. I have been reflecting on what I could do to help make things more peaceful for him at lunchtime, and your devotion just seemed like a word from the Lord for me! THanks!!
Wonderful Post that you wrote today!!! My husband and I are celebrating 10 years today.
Rachel
I am greatly disappointed to realize and understand that you would compromise your faith by allowing ungodly, unholy, music to filter through your speakers. You mention two country artist and how well they said what you could not--yet in my opioion you should not know those words because as a Proverbs 31 woman you should only be listening to Godly music that praises the Lord...How sad that you allowed the devil and the modern world cloud your spirit that you don't realize how critical music is to your spirit and life. I am praying for God to reveal this to you...media and the world says it okay--but we are not of this world..
Catherine
funteach00@verizon.net
Wendy~
Thank you for sharing. Your devotion for today was right on!
Re: Music selection - God knows your heart, Wendy. And He knows that you look for Him in the day to day things. God can speak thru all kinds of things. We just have to make sure we are listening for His voice. Thank you for always looking for those opportunities. He spoke thru COUNTRY music; Imagine that!
Blessings!
Nancy
Wendy~
Thank you for sharing. Your devotion for today was right on!
Re: Music selection - God knows your heart, Wendy. And He knows that you look for Him in the day to day things. God can speak thru all kinds of things. We just have to make sure we are listening for His voice. Thank you for always looking for those opportunities. He spoke thru COUNTRY music; Imagine that!
Blessings!
Nancy
Hey Miss Wendy:)
I'm missing you already..you know we have fun Friday at the office too...
I loved your devotion today..you already know that. (We've got to watch Doris Day together soon!) But I thought I'd checked your blog this week. But I haven't read this post. Love it! Always need encouragement to love the most amazing man in my life. So thank you:)
And your article in this month's magazine is so rich! I'm sending one to all my friends.
Love you and I'm so blessed to have you as my friend and sister in Christ,
Melissa
When I first read "we should only be listening to music that praises the Lord", I thought for sure it was one of your friends pulling a joke. I even kind of chuckled thinking - how clever!
Then I kept reading and realized they were serious. I have no idea what to say to that except our God is bigger than that. Grace with out truth is just chaos. But truth with out grace is legalism.
Yes, there are some very black and white things in this world. The funny thing is the musicians who are playing the music that uplifts and praises our Lord are listening to a wide genre of music. I have never met a Christian musician - and yes, I know a few - who doesn't also listen to secular music. We are missionaries and I don't know one who doesn't listen to some secular music.
Interestingly, God's grace covers so much.
Okay Wendy, now you will know the sad truth (just kidding), that I do read your blog, but I have never been inclined to leave a comment. When someone unfairly attacks one of my buddies though, I think that it is time to speak up.
I was blown away when reading the post that lambasted you about listening to secular, unholy music. I think that we have to be careful about the incremental attacks from our society that go against our Christian beliefs. God gave us a free will to listen to "this music", but He has also given us/you a heart open for Jesus. This allows you to hear Him speak to you in a variety of ways. It would be sad to think that God would only speak to us through a particular type of music. Do we as Christians not want to reach out to those who may not yet be reached? Are Christians the only ones who listen to Holy music and non-believers only those who listen to secular music? God has blessed us with a free will to make choices. Yes, there is definitely some music that we should not listen to and I am sure that you are very discriminating in your choices. I pray that this is what God wants us to do, make the correct choices, not live by legalism.
Anyway, thanks for your blog and thanks for the post about husbands. It came at a time when I really needed to hear it.
Love ya',
Your OLD friend
Thanks for the reminder to take care of our husbands. Our homeschool Mom's Night Out group has been reading Carolyn Mahaney's Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, and this book really convicted me about where my husband is on my list of priorities!
Hey Wendy,
I don't know how I've missed coming over here from the other P31 blogs I follow, but today was my first visit.
Thank you so much for this post! I have been falling behind on several of the things that I know my husband enjoys -- like socks making it through the complete laundry cycle (washer, dryer, bedroom). Every time they seem to get stuck in the washer or dryer :)
I just got my first P31 Woman magazine as well and I see that you wrote about Godly friendships. Everything you've been writing is all stuff I need to be hearing. Thanks for being open to God and sharing with your knowledge and heart.
Wendy,
"Satisfy Whose Needs" well,I can tell you for the first 12 years of my marriage it was my needs that I satified. Our marriage was a mess, you name it,we did it to each other.
I finally stopped listening to my whinning and complaining long enough to hear God. I started asking God "What is it that I needed to do to change?" So,through christian counseling and His Word he began to transform my life.
I learned respecting my husband was big, real BIG! Another thing I learned was that if we can't agree, I let him make the final decision. By doing that I get out of God's way. I have to remind myself that it's God who designed marriage not me.
Also we never bring up the word "divorce", it's not apart of our vocabulary.
Well, that's my 2 cents. Oh, we will be marry for 21 years in May. God is awsome!!!!
God is now using us to mentor other struggling couples.
Wendy, I loved your article on friends in the March issue of P31 Woman.
Dear Wendy,
Love this post.
Love your devo.
Love your magazine article.
Love country music :-)
Love you.
Melissa
What a wonderful post! I have been married almost 7 months, but my husband is a pastor, evangelist, student, mail carrier, son, grandson, brother and my best friend. Quite a list and ridiculous to think I needed to be reminded to pray for him (regularly). Duh! Thank you for allowing the Lord to use you! I get blessed everytime I read your blog, and plan on taking notes this time! God bless you! Victoria
I love that--become a student of your husband!
And when it comes to intimacy, I think we women need to step up to the plate a little bit more.
Men want to feel wanted, not placated. You may think you're meeting his needs because you're making love a few times a week, but he won't feel it as love unless you put some energy and enthusiasm into it! And that can be hard for us women.
I wrote Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight to talk about this, but in a nutshell, here's what I think: for women, sex is in our head. We don't need it physically the way men do. So if we wait for the urge to hit us, we may be waiting a long time!
But, because it is in our head, if we decide to throw ourselves into it, our bodies will likely follow!
So rest up, get the chores done, and destress your life so you have energy for him. In the end, it's amazing how much nicer your marriage will feel!
Visit my blog at To Love, Honor and Vacuum!
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